Summary
Parenting a middle-aged child with cancer: a delicate balancing act for parents, cancer patients and health care providers
Liesbeth Van Humbeeck
AIM: To investigate experiences of both older parents and middle-aged cancer patients and to explore how nursing home staff deal with grieving residents. METHOD: Qualitative research based on constructivist grounded theory.
FINDINGS: Older parents suffering in silence emerged as core category encapsulating three interrelated balancing acts namely shielding their child while being shielded by the child, involvement from an adequate distance, and shifting attention among themselves, their child or others. When the adult child dies, parents often experience silent grief because attention is first given to the partner and children and silent grief can characterize the parent’s experience. Silent grief is also prominent by the adult cancer patient and decisions are influenced by various factors. Their experiences are dominated by three perspectives (I, They and We) and patterns can vary. The adult cancer patient is faced with the choice to communicate consistent with their own preferred style or a manner that was best for their parents. Attention for loss and grieving by caregivers cannot be taken for granted. It is influenced by an interplay of factors associated with the caregiver, care culture, and care dimensions.
CONCLUSION: Faced with their child’s illness and possible death, older parents experience overwhelming feelings often underestimated by their (close) environment. Nurses need to recognize the needs and experiences of older parents. For care by nurses to make a difference, their attention must be directed to how older parents can be invigorated in their parenthood while respecting the child’s autonomy. Nurses need to look beyond overt behaviour and be aware of the caring and solicitude that can ground these behaviours.
Keywords: adult children, cancer, grief, nursing home, older adults, qualitative research, relationship
